We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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