i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
