What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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