Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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