I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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