Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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