Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
