At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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