All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize