You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
me + whiskey = a bad person
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
