Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
