Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
