I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
