Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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