Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize