I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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