tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
