Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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