can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize