I like my sex mixed with concussions.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
