Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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