remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
