I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
