I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
