Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
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