WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
