Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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