when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
