Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
