Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
