I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
