So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
