I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
