Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
