I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
