Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
