i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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