Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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