I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
