Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize