apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
