I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
where are my eyebrows?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
