i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
