i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
