You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
