You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
