Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
