Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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