i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
