You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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