The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
