I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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