i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
