his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Randomize
