All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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