So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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