do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize