I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
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