I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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