these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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