I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
