The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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