these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
