i may or may not be watching the land before time
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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