the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
