i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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