we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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