dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
