I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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