woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
