I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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