I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
