____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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