Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Randomize