Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
