all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
