we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
