dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
