he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
