I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
