I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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