Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
